I never wanted twins. Some people dream about it. I never did. When we decided to get pregnant, I imagined one. ONE. NOT two. And certainly not two this difficult and fussy.
I can never go back to work.
Nobody can handle watching my kids. Maybe if they didn't cry all.the.time. people would be more likely to offer. We can't afford daycare, it's 100% out of the question. So that leaves family. One family member has flat out said that watching the girls alone is not possible. Another family member always dodges the question when it is brought up. Oh, and these are family members who offered to watch them when I went back to work. So who does that leave? I can't, and won't, get a night job. I am going to be subbing because it will keep me in schools and possibly be a foot in the door when a full time position opens up. Brian needs to hold on to his job because now is not the time to go looking elsewhere. So where does that leave us?
It infuriates me. These people are family, supposed to be helping us out. I never get a break. I go insane all day long with them. I am sick and tired of the screaming and crying. I need to get back to work, not only for the money but for the break. But since I am apparently the only one who can handle them (one family member even rudely pointed out that Brian can barely handle them, which really offended me) I am stuck. I can't even get a break for an hour to go out on my own, much less daily to go to work.
I get that they cry and scream all the time. I am here with them 24/7. I hear it. Believe me, I do. But a little help would be greatly appreciated. Anyone with a new baby should have family support, especially those with multiples. But we barely have any. And really, a "break" is not holding my kids for 5 minutes while I am still there. I can still see them and hear them. That is not a break.
I am at a loss as to what to do. I'm so frustrated, stressed and depressed. I am so irritated with my family and his family right now. So it looks like I will never get to go back to work. Who needs to pay the mortgage anyways?
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I'm so sorry Katie. Really I am. It makes me upset for you that people can't accept that these two beautiful girls are going to cry and miss their mommy and be difficult sometimes, but then they will have amazing funny, sweet, beautiful moments (even if they are few and far between) that makes those fussy ones all worth it. I sincerely wish there was some way I could help you. Really. I'd love to watch them. I hope someone comes through for you with some support and some help. xx
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are feeling this way Katie :( I never got any help with my son and he was just ONE - but it was sooooo overwhelming that I can imagine you must feel it two-fold. Just try to remember - this is just a very small phase of their lives that will be gone before you know it (even though it does not seem that way now) and they are still very very young. You're doing the best you can and that is all you can do - and it is a great job at that! Hang in there! *hugs*
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